There’s a fine line some days between hope and desperation.
I was waiting to say something but we had another offer on our house this week and thought we had a signed contract when we found out this afternoon that the other person never signed the revised contract and had actually decided not to go forward with it. After a day of teaching about peace at vacation bible school, my soul had anything but that. My hopes dropped like a brick and all I could do is believe that our attempt to sell our house without going into debt to do so would fail.
This afternoon was dark for me. I fell asleep in the recliner and woke up restless with a large sense of desperation and lack of control. Most of all I was questioning God. I know it’s not that big of a deal to many people reading this blog. The thing is that when we listed our house for sale many people told me that if it was God’s will than it would sell quickly. Here we are 5 months later and 3 attempted contracts later and we have nothing. So are we out of God’s will?
No we are not. We are obedient to God. He hasn’t left us, He’s very much with us. But there’s a few things that I needed to learn and today I’ve taken my first step in the road to learning them.
One thing is what I learned in vacation bible school today. I’m pretty sure that VBS is meant to teach the kids but the simple lessons are teaching me once again the basic lessons of faith that many of us have to learn over and over and over again. Simply put it’s about peace. I need to have more peace that God is in control of my life and knows what is best for me. I asked Him to be in control but I’m a control freak. There Damion… I admitted it! I am a control freak. I don’t like to be a passenger in a car because I can’t control it. This might shock you but I am extremely independent and say the words “I’ll do it” way too much. It’s not because I’m extremely helpful, it’s because I have control “issues”.
So if I let go of the control, I can accept the peace that will come from knowing that the God of this universe is in control of my life. It doesn’t mean that I’m going to volunteer to teach at a driving school or that the ice cream that was in the freezer today before we got the bad news will be able to be returned back to the freezer but it does mean less of me planning my life and more of letting the one that made my life control my life.
If He is so great that He could create my favorite landscapes, paint the butterfly wings, create my girls who I love so deeply, and keep every single promise that He has ever made to me than I think that He can handle the control of my life. The good news is that I’ll have less worry lines in my forehead. The best news is that He is faithful in all things, even in the right time for our house to sell.
Is it possible that God is saying “Not right now”? I always thought He had 3 answers: yes, no, and not right now.
Just a thought from a semi-reformed Heathen. Love you.
you are my favorite semi reformed heathen. Just kidding, you’re not a heathen! I considerd the “not right now” but God had the egyptians wander in the desert for years to come into their promise land. Also there’s so many stories in the bible of people that had to wait or go through trials to come into their promises that I really feel like this is a lesson for us about God’s timing.
But as flawed humans, we want things on our time. Right!Now! Sometimes I wonder if He gets as tired of us whining as we do of our kids’ whining. Then I remember he’s had a whole lot more practice being a Father.
We experienced a similar thing 6 years ago when we moved. It was during the height of the housing boom, and we “knew” our house would sell quickly…it was prime real estate. We were building our (current) house, and wanted the other sold before we closed on the new one. The first contract came almost before we had it on the market. We almost closed on it, but the deal fell through. We had already moved out, moved my MIL- who was also living on the property, removed several outbuildings/mobile home off the property. It was devestating. …6 months, 3 contracts later, it finally sold…but not before we closed on the new house, which (amazingly) was finished ahead of schedule. It was very stressful…the other home had family ties, thus creating issues within the family. Everything is good with the family now, but I still have bad dreams about it all. It was a time where we questioned EVERYTHING about what we were doing. Was it the right thing? It affected other people, so we were questioning ourselves doubly. Looking back now, that was a time when we were especially prayerful, always asking God for direction as to what to do/where to go from here. It seems as though those tough times are when we are closest to God.
So, all that to say, stay encouraged, keep praying, digging into God’s word. He will show you what is the right path to take. And from someone who has walked your path, someday this will all be a memory.
I feel the same way about having to take care of others and make the right decisions for them with my kids in all of this. It is a lot of pressure and stress and you have encouraged me just by being truthful of your feelings at that time because I’m having the same feelings! Thank you for sharing, it really has strengthened me today.