There’s a fine line some days between hope and desperation.
I was waiting to say something but we had another offer on our house this week and thought we had a signed contract when we found out this afternoon that the other person never signed the revised contract and had actually decided not to go forward with it. After a day of teaching about peace at vacation bible school, my soul had anything but that. My hopes dropped like a brick and all I could do is believe that our attempt to sell our house without going into debt to do so would fail.
This afternoon was dark for me. I fell asleep in the recliner and woke up restless with a large sense of desperation and lack of control. Most of all I was questioning God. I know it’s not that big of a deal to many people reading this blog. The thing is that when we listed our house for sale many people told me that if it was God’s will than it would sell quickly. Here we are 5 months later and 3 attempted contracts later and we have nothing. So are we out of God’s will?
No we are not. We are obedient to God. He hasn’t left us, He’s very much with us. But there’s a few things that I needed to learn and today I’ve taken my first step in the road to learning them.
One thing is what I learned in vacation bible school today. I’m pretty sure that VBS is meant to teach the kids but the simple lessons are teaching me once again the basic lessons of faith that many of us have to learn over and over and over again. Simply put it’s about peace. I need to have more peace that God is in control of my life and knows what is best for me. I asked Him to be in control but I’m a control freak. There Damion… I admitted it! I am a control freak. I don’t like to be a passenger in a car because I can’t control it. This might shock you but I am extremely independent and say the words “I’ll do it” way too much. It’s not because I’m extremely helpful, it’s because I have control “issues”.
So if I let go of the control, I can accept the peace that will come from knowing that the God of this universe is in control of my life. It doesn’t mean that I’m going to volunteer to teach at a driving school or that the ice cream that was in the freezer today before we got the bad news will be able to be returned back to the freezer but it does mean less of me planning my life and more of letting the one that made my life control my life.
If He is so great that He could create my favorite landscapes, paint the butterfly wings, create my girls who I love so deeply, and keep every single promise that He has ever made to me than I think that He can handle the control of my life. The good news is that I’ll have less worry lines in my forehead. The best news is that He is faithful in all things, even in the right time for our house to sell.