A Pretty Gross Story

Warning: It’s gross.

We are on the tail end of potty training the youngest.  This time it’s been pretty easy and we’re starting to go out in public in underwear and have only had one accident in public. She is still sleeping in Pull Ups but is starting to wake up with more and more with totally dry diapers (yeah!). Lately her sisters have been waking her up when they get up, which is even earlier than my alarm usually goes off. The last two weeks I’ve been awakened by the littlest one climbing in bed with me for five more minutes before I make myself get up and it’s heavenly. Today though it started off with her running through my room, into my bathroom and onto the potty all by herself. Surely that was a sign that we were going to have amazing day. Surely…. err… not.

I pulled myself out of bed and proceeded to get dressed so we could run a few errands. I hadn’t even left my room yet but I had sent the older two upstairs to also get dressed. The littlest had followed the older two upstairs, sans any diaper or underwear but she had just pottied, so it’s ok. Right? Wrong. Seconds later I heard, “mom! there’s poop in our room!”.  This was before coffee, let that sink in.

I headed upstairs and rounded the corner to the older girls room when I was met by the site of our puppy, eating poop off the carpet. “No! Stop! out! out! noooo!”, but no amount of screaming and yelling would get him to stop. I eventually had to chase him out of the room, clean up the mess off the carpet and the child.

While I was doing this it turns out that the older two decided to make a lizard cage. Not because we have a lizard of course but because they plan to catch one. Win one for planning.  As soon as I walked into the living room with my hands full of dirty washcloths I saw a big muddy mess on my coffee table. They had taken the lid to a plastic storage bin and filled it with mud, water, plants pulled out of my flower beds by their roots and leaves. This was their lizard cage. No sides, no top but plenty of mud (inside my house).  They were so proud. I was too much in a coffee-less coma to care.

A glance in the kitchen revealed that the girls had poked holes in the tops of all my coffee K-cups and they were unusable.

We finished getting dressed and ran our errands and went to the grocery store. We waved as we passed the new Chickfila that they are finally building in our area and swung through Starbucks drive thru. The day was really looking up. The sun was shinning and there was a COOL breeze for the first time in 6 months. It was glorious. The store had funky pumpkins, which are now on my mantle. It was good. The day was looking up.

The girls ate lunch outside while I put up groceries and then I sat down on the couch with my lunch to eat. I never eat on the couch but the backdoor was open and the breeze was so great that I just wanted to sit, relax, and enjoy it. I knew the dog was at my feet but had no idea what it was doing until Princess Newbie said, “eww… gross.. there’s dog poop right there.” Except it wasn’t dog poop. A glance between my feet revealed a huge pile of dog throw up, slightly larger than our puppy.  I seriously just sat back where I couldn’t see it and finished eating because I knew if I cleaned it up first that I wouldn’t be able to eat. Then I heard Princess Newbie say, “Cooper’s eating a snack”. A glance back at the pile revealed the same poop eating puppy slinking away with a much smaller pile of dog throw up left behind.  I may never touch that dog again.

I cleaned up the pile and settled back on the couch to write a quick email. The laptop wasn’t even open yet when I heard Princess Newbie yell, “I have to go potty”. “ok, let’s go!” I said as I jumped off the couch. “I did” she replied. Except I could tell from her voice that she wasn’t in the bathroom. No. She was on the stairs. You know what happens to pee on wooden stairs? It acts like a slinkey. Going from one step, to the next, and then the next.

Oh and the day continued in that same pattern right up until I discovered that it was not a cool breeze coming in from the back door but one of the girls having set the air conditioner on 45 degrees!

Yes. Motherhood. Hm. It’s not for the weak AND I’m still not touching the puppy.

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