*This is probably the most honest and open post that I have ever shared on my blog. I’m not writing this looking for tips on overcoming this but to share with you so that others may know that women struggle with this. Women need to stop hiding the fact that we are not perfect. Pinterest is amazing but it’s not real breathing life. Be real with each other. Also, negative comments will not be approved.”
When the stranger making your food at Freebirds looks at you and asks, “Is everything ok” you know that you the feelings that you’re trying to oppress inside are slowly leaking out and showing up in your eyes and the wrinkles of your face.
As a mom, wife, daughter, grand-daughter there’s a very real sense of guilt that women carry. We’re called to be the ones to take care of people and sometimes when our plans don’t work out perfectly, there’s guilt towards that.
As a homeschooling mom, I worry that I won’t teach my kids all they need to know. I worry that I should have put one of them in speech therapy when she was 3 because now I sometimes hear the imperfections in her speech coming out. What if she was meant to be something amazing and it’s held back by her public speaking skills? What if I did that?
As a wife I worry that I’m going to make a mistake that will destroy our financial future or take too big of a risk on my new business and it will leave us in trouble. What if I am not successful? How will that impact my family?
As a daughter, what if that relationship is never repaired? What if I never have a chance to embrace that parent as a parent again? Was it my fault that I walked away from that?
As a granddaughter I worry that I’m not there now to help my grandparents as they stumble through these last years of their life since they carried me through the hardest years of my life.
And then today some of it just hit me in the face and my burden got pretty heavy. I took one of our children in for allergy testing where they prick you on the back . She had 77 skin pricks on her back and tested negative for any allergies at all. 77 pricks that I felt guilty for because at that time I didn’t see the outcome being worth it for her.
I came home to find out that my grandmother had fallen and was in the hospital and I could not be there with her because we live too far away. I worried about my grandfather being along at the house without her.
And more guilt poured on top of the guilt and it all became heavy.
I wish I could tell you that somewhere in this I had a lightbulb moment of how to deal with the guilt that women carry but I don’t . Amid a ton of laughter a silly dance show put on by my family at dinner, my mood lightened. Slowly I started to see the truth that wasn’t shrouded in guilt. The skin test today helped us narrow one thing down off our list to help our daughter feel better for the long run. It’s one more step in the right direction and she’ll never have to do it again. My grandparents getting older is just part of life and I can give them the best support I can from 5 hours away and at the end of the day know that they gave to me selflessly, not expecting me to care for them in the end. That’s a great gift that they gave to me that one day I can give to my grandchildren. (Plus my amazing sister is there with them and is showing them pictures of my kids and telling them all the stories that I want them to know).
It’s very hard to deal with guilt as women, as those called to be the caregivers of the home. But there’s a time when you have to face yourself and let go of the worry and the guilt because no one is perfect. We will all make mistakes but what we give should be so much that our small failures will be lost among the love we give.
That’s the primary role of a woman, not to make sure that everything is perfect and everyone is perfectly happy, but to make sure that others know that they are so greatly loved by us that sometimes we even worry and feel guilty about them.
Will my daughters succeed? Yes. Because we are going to raise them to know that as long as they love wildly and unconditionally, they are victorious in this life.
Will my husband still love me if I fail at this new business venture? Yes because he knows me better than anyone else in this world and has chosen to love me even knowing skeletons of the skeletons in my closet.
Will my parent and I ever reconcile? I don’t know but I believe that I am loving them right now in my decisions and love is sometimes meant to be hard.
Will my grandparents know what they meant to me? Yes because I have told them and even as they enter into a period of forgetfulness, I will continue to tell them and be there when I can until I don’t have that option anymore.
I’m not perfect and I don’t want to be. I like my quirks and weirdness. I like that I’m human and humans deal with guilt.
Bottom line. When we as women are hit with guilt based off our personal imperfections and worry, we need to stop and look for Love. Know that the guilt is self inflicted and everyone struggles with it. You are not alone in it.