1. Friday night at 8pm you’re ready to party (with your pillow). You’ve been up since the crack of dawn – cleaned up dog throw up, dropped a few eggs, adverted a squirrel suicide attempt by locking up your brakes, and provided for the care and health of kids, husband and some random cricket that your middle child deemed their best friend. You’re tired. Who wants to actually put on pants much less leave the house on Friday night? Welcome to your 30s.
2. You’re likely to be the wrong age for a few months. Seriously. The numbers are getting larger and it’s harder to keep track of. When you’re doctor asks how old you are and it doesn’t dawn on you for a month that you told him a year younger than you actually are? It’s ok. A year older? That’s ok too. The newly formed crows feet don’t care. Welcome to your 30s.
3. Things leak. Welcome to your 30’s.
4. You can’t remember anything that you learned in the three years of spanish class you took in high school but you can translate the cries of any child belonging to you in under 2 seconds. You can also translate dog whines, handwritten notes by the 6 and under crowd and translate the source of the banging in the dryer. Is it a stray Barbie head or a the buttons of your favorite dry clean only coat? You’ll know. Hey! You’re multilingual and you’re starting to learn a new language called preteen door slams. Welcome to your 30s.
5. Gravity happens. The bad news is that this is just a preview. There’s still another 40-50 years to go. Welcome to your 30s.
6. You focus changes. At one point you were focused on college and then on boys – er… men. Then you focus on a career and eventually on starting a family. Now your focus is on that dirt on the kitchen wall that you cannot get off. You sit on the couch and all you can think of is that mystery stain on the cushion below your butt. Now you count laundry piles and think of ways you can convince your kids not to change their clothes for a week. Welcome to your 30s.
7. Gray hairs make natural highlights in your hair. Gone are the days of paying $120 every six weeks for new hi-lights. It’s free and gray! Welcome to your 30s.
8. Your kids ask for a pet but you say no because it’s one more thing you’d have to clean. You’ve caught yourself yelling, “do we live in a barn?”. You hide in your closet to eat a candy bar until the fingers appear under the door. You run a taxi service for only immediate family members, their friends and their friend’s friends. You know the jeans you’re wearing aren’t flattering but they’re comfortable and have the least amount of mystery stains. You’ve become your mother. Welcome to your 30s.
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