Here’s a little secret that chaps my husband’s hide – I hate movie theaters. It’s true. He loves going to the movies, I don’t see a point in it. So I’ve waited months to see the movie Moms Night Out. Somehow I think God made me a movie theater hater just so I would wait for the DVD of this movie because the timing was perfect.
Honestly the first five minutes felt like my daily life. If you haven’t seen the movie, let me give you a glimpse. It starts with the mom up early cleaning, scrubbing floors and picking up. The house looks perfect. Then she goes upstairs and comes down later to discover the house is a disaster and the kids are making breakfast.
That is my daily life.
There’s kids drawing on the walls and playing in toilets.
I live in that space.
Yes my kids are getting older so maybe they’re not playing in toilets anymore but they are creating recipes in the kitchen that involve glue and melted sugar which might be worse than playing in the toilet.
Fast forward to her pulling into church that morning looking rushed and haggard to glance over at the perfect moms with the perfect hair and clothes.
I live in that space too.
You know those moms right? The ones that talk about how their kids would never draw on the wall because they’ve taught them that drawing is only for paper. Yes, maybe their kids have never drawn on a wall but their kids aren’t perfect. And somehow we still let their words get us down because we see it as a failure on our part.
Oh. my. goodness. My child drew on a wall – I am a failure.
That’s how we think as parents sometimes. We let the little things get us down and tell us that we are a failure because we are not perfect. Because we look to the left and the right and see the seemingly perfectionism of the exterior of other women’s lives and compare ourselves.
We compare ourselves to Martha Stewart and Ina Garten and that’s just automatic defeat waiting to happen. Do you know why? Because they are the definition of perfection and here’s why – because they have killer PR teams that craft that image for them. Are they perfect? no. Could I go to jail tomorrow and get a national TV show a few years later? no. I’m not perfect and I don’t have the money to pay others to spin things to make it appear that I am.
The movie, Moms Night Out, goes on to tell the story of an insanely disastrous night that the mom experiences when she plans a girls night out with other mom friends that all need a break.
They think that if they can just get one night out with fancy clothes and no kids they can recapture the happiness that they once had.
What happens is a crazy night that involves a tattoo parlor, british cab driver that conquered the autobahn, lost kids, a police chase, dislocated shoulders, getting tasered and so much more. No where in that night do they find peace or happiness and the result is that once again they deem themselves failures at something else.
But in the waiting room of a police station the main mom, Allie, has a conversation with a big hairy biker that reminds her that she’s the only one that’s asking herself to be perfect. God made her as she is and He doesn’t make mistakes.
I live in that space.
It’s so easy to let fear of screwing up your kids and life dictate your life as a mom. The fear of failure creeps in and just says “you’re a looser” and we believe it.
My house isn’t perfect. In fact there’s currently a dirty clothes pile the size of a small pony sitting in my dining room. Closed cabinets hold junk that I don’t want others to see and the kids bathroom is one step away from a petri dish.
I burn more food than should be legal and my husband now claims to love that charred taste. He’s a good man.
If you can’t find the growing organism that you’re looking for in the bathroom why don’t you go move a carseat in my van?
And I live thinking of the little remarks that people have made as a joke that might point to a possible failure.
And for some reason, I let other moms judgements creep into my life.
And the fear of failure….. it’s there constantly.
But God said that He hasn’t give us the spirit of fear but one of love, power and a sound mind.
That’s where I need to start living.
I have a lot on my plate right now. Honestly I am scared of failure with projects I have going on right now. I’m scared that I’m messing my kids up. I’m scared that they’ll be as disorganized as I am or maybe they won’t learn everything they need to know. That’s just being honest.
But I need to stop that. Because when I live in fear I equip them to live in fear.
When I live in acceptance of who I am knowing that I am wonderfully made than I equip them to live in acceptance of themselves for the wonderful beautiful little women that they are.
So no, I don’t have a moms night out complete with police chases and tattoos planned.
But I do have a change planned. I plan to just live my life and try to make myself better because I want to, not because I have to find perfection in an imperfect world.
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