That’s the thought that sent me into a funk for the past few days.
You see 2014 was a pretty rough year. Right after Christmas last year we lost Mr. Byrd’s grandmother. An exact month later we lost his uncle. Immediately after that I had business issues that were so stressful that the hair dye companies are now publicly thanking me for upping their revenue and yet the gray hair still remains.
Right after I finally got things settled Mr. Byrd got sent out on town for business on what was supposed to be a week or two max. 4 months later he finally came home. While he was gone I spent my time trying to convince my new age believing doctor why calling myself Clumsy Crafter was not a precursor to wearing a walking cast for 3 months. And then there was the ER trip with three kids in tow and the kidney infection that would not go away, with the walking cast still on my foot.
We celebrated 11 years of marriage in November except we never celebrated because Mr. Byrd was gone and I was sick anyway.
Finally right before Christmas it all calmed down. A week before Christmas we finally got to have our first date in a long time and spent it Christmas shopping.
It truly seemed like it was all uphill from there.
Christmas Eve I got the call that my Grandfather, who is my hero, had been taken to the hospital with pnuemonia but the outlook was good! Thankfully they had caught it early and he was supposed to be out in a few days. I called my grandmother and she really sounded upbeat. She had plans to spend Christmas with my Uncle and visit my grandfather during the day. It was under control so I didn’t worry or think about it again through Christmas.
Christmas was amazing. The girls and I spent all of Christmas Eve baking and my Mother-in-law washed every single dish (and I’m the worlds messiest baker!). The kids really enjoyed Christmas and embraced the giving spirit of it. They had drawn their own Christmas cards to each other and put them in each others stocking without telling us. It was so sweet to find a christmas card with a minion’s butt on it while stuffing their stockings the night before Christmas.
It was all uphill. 2014 was on it’s way out and a new fresh year was coming.
And then I got the call that things with my grandfather were not going so well. There was a surgery followed by days in ICU and when I got the call the only thing I could think was “not again”.
I couldn’t do another year like the last one. I couldn’t start 2015 with another loss of a beloved grandparent, another one of our heroes that helped raise us. Because if it started the same than who’s to say how the rest of the year would go. I needed hope for a better year that at that moment, wasn’t there.
And I sunk into a deep hole filled with chocolate cake, mood swings and Pride and Prejudice on repeat. That’s where I go when I am struggling.
So why am I telling you this? Because in a world full of perfectly perky blogs and Pinterest perfection, it’s hard to sometimes feel normal or adequate. I want you know that having a low time or one where you have to retreat a little is ok.
That’s normal. Being perfect is not normal.
I’m not saying this so you’ll pity me or send me more chocolate cake (ok well the cake part is fine by me) but I’m telling you so that you’ll know that this is real life. It’s messy and photoshop free. There’s dark parts and sad parts. There’s parts of life that you’ll want to forget and erase over and over again. It’s not always glossy or wearing a floral crown swathed in the perfect Instagram filter light.
Life is life, not perfection.
Honestly I’m ok. I do have hope, it was just hard to see at that moment. Surely with the little acts of love from family and friends like a phone call, impromptu visit from my sister (who thought she was being sneaky and I wouldn’t catch on) or Mr. Byrd demanding I leave the dishes and go to Target, I’m coming out of my funk. If you’re in the same place, you’ll come out of it too.
It is really hard in these modern times, when the magazine covers portray women that are flawless and some blogs only talk of rainbows and unicorns, to say “I’m not alright” and not feel like a failure. But you’re not a failure at all. You are prettier than any of those flawless magazine covers because that’s not real. You’re real. If you’re not perfect, than you’re perfectly OK.
If you’re clumsy and have been known to glue your fingers together on more than one occasion, you’re more than just OK- you’re amazing. If that’s not you than bring the turpentine and let’s have a party because you’re awesome too.
It is ok to struggle sometimes. It is normal to be imperfect. Give yourself a break.
If you need a reminder, check out the Jesus didn’t come to save perfection, He came to save me free printable.
If you need to chat, email me – Bobbie@ClumsyCrafter.com. Your email could just save Mr. Byrd from having to watch Pride and Prejudice again.